Negotiate Anything

Ten Tips for Negotiating in 2026

Mon, 08 Dec 2025 00:00:00 GMT

Secrets of top negotiators to make you more successful.

The ability to negotiate successfully in today's turbulent business climate can make the difference between success and failure. With this in mind, Ed has reevaluated his list of top ten negotiation tips. Here are Ed Brodow's Ten Tips for Successful Negotiating updated for the year 2026 :

1. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Successful negotiators are assertive and challenge everything – they know that everything is negotiable. I call this negotiation consciousness . Negotiation consciousness is what makes the difference between negotiators and everybody else on the planet.

Being assertive means asking for what you want and refusing to take NO for an answer. Practice expressing your feelings without anxiety or anger. Let people know what you want in a non-threatening way. Practice 'I' statements. For example, instead of saying, "You shouldn't do that," try substituting, "I don't feel comfortable when you do that."

Note that there is a difference between being assertive and being aggressive. You are assertive when you take care of your own interests while maintaining respect for the interests of others. When you see to your own interests with a lack of regard for other people's interests, you are aggressive. Being assertive is part of negotiation consciousness.

"Challenge" means not taking things at face value. It means thinking for yourself. You must be able to make up your own mind, as opposed to believing everything you are told. On a practical level, this means you have the right to question the asking price of that new car. It also means you have an obligation to question everything you read in the newspaper or hear on CNN. You cannot negotiate unless you are willing to challenge the validity of the opposing position.

2. Shut up and listen. I am amazed by all the people I meet who can't stop talking. Negotiators are detectives. They ask probing questions and then shut up. The other negotiator will tell you everything you need to know – all you have to do is listen.

Many conflicts can be resolved easily if we learn how to listen. The catch is that listening is the forgotten art. We are so busy making sure that people hear what we have to say that we forget to listen.

You can become an effective listener by allowing the other person to do most of the talking. Follow the 70/30 Rule – listen 70 percent of the time, and talk only 30 percent of the time. Encourage the other negotiator to talk by asking lots of open-ended questions – questions that can't be answered with a simple "yes" or "no."

3. Do your homework. This is what detectives do. Gather as much pertinent information prior to your negotiation. What are their needs? What pressures do they feel? What options do they have? Doing your homework is vital to successful negotiation. You can't make accurate decisions without understanding the other side's situation. The more information you have about the people with whom you are negotiating, the stronger you will be. People who consistently leave money on the table probably fail to do their homework.

4. Always be willing to walk away. I call this Brodow's Law . In other words, never negotiate without options. If you depend too much on the positive outcome of a negotiation, you lose your ability to say NO. When you say to yourself, "I will walk if I can't conclude a deal that is satisfactory," the other side can tell that you mean business. Your resolve will force them to make concessions. Clients often ask me, "Ed, if you could give me one piece of advice about negotiating, what would it be?" My answer, without hesitation, is: "Always be willing to walk away." Please note that I am not advising you to walk away, but if you don't even consider the option of walking away, you may be inclined to cave in to the other side's demands simply to make a deal. If you are not desperate - if you recognize that you have other options - the other negotiator will sense your inner strength.

5. Don't be in a hurry. Being patient is very difficult for Americans. We want to get it over with. Anyone who has negotiated in Asia, South America, or the Middle East will tell you that people in those cultures look at time differently than we do in North America and Europe. They know that if you rush, you are more likely to make mistakes and leave money on the table. Whoever is more flexible about time has the advantage. Your patience can be devastating to the other negotiator if they are in a hurry because they start to believe that you are not under pressure to conclude the deal. So what do they do? They offer concessions as a means of providing you with an incentive to say YES.

6. Aim high and expect the best outcome. Successful negotiators are optimists. If you expect more, you'll get more. A proven strategy for achieving higher results is opening with an extreme position. Sellers should ask for more than they expect to receive, and buyers should offer less than they are prepared to pay. People who aim higher do better. Your optimism will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Conversely, if you have low expectations, you will probably wind up with a less satisfying outcome.

7. Focus on the other side's pressure, not yours. We have a tendency to focus on our own pressure, on the reasons why we need to make a deal . It's the old story about the grass being greener in the other person's backyard. If you fall into this trap, you are working against yourself. The other side will appear more powerful. When you focus on your own limitations, you miss the big picture. Instead, successful negotiators ask, "What is the pressure on the other side in this negotiation?" You will feel more powerful when you recognize the reasons for the other side to give in. Your negotiation power derives in part from the pressures on the other person. Even if they appear nonchalant, they inevitably have worries and concerns. It's your job to be a detective and root these out. If you discover that they are under pressure, which they surely are, look for ways to exploit that pressure in order to achieve a better result for yourself.

8. Show the other person how their needs will be met. Successful negotiators always look at the situation from the other side's perspective. Everyone looks at the world differently, so you are way ahead of the game if you can figure out their perception of the deal. Instead of trying to win the negotiation, seek to understand the other negotiator and show them ways to feel satisfied. My philosophy of negotiation includes the firm belief that one hand washes the other. If you help the other side to feel satisfied, they will be more inclined to help you satisfy your needs. That does not mean you should give in to all their positions. Satisfaction means that their basic interests have been fulfilled, not that their demands have been met. Don't confuse basic interests with positions/demands: Their position/demand is what they say they want; their basic interest is what they really need to get.

9. Don't give anything away without getting something in return. Unilateral concessions are self-defeating. Whenever you give something away, get something in return. Always tie a string: "I'll do this if you do that." Otherwise you are inviting the other negotiator to ask you for additional concessions. When you give something away without requiring them to reciprocate, they will feel entitled to your concession, and won't be satisfied until you give up even more. But if they have to earn your concession, they will derive a greater sense of satisfaction than if they got it for nothing.

10. Don't take the issues or the other person's behavior personally. All too often negotiations fail because one or both of the parties get sidetracked by personal issues unrelated to the deal at hand. Successful negotiators focus on solving the problem, which is: How can we conclude an agreement that respects the needs of both parties? Obsessing over the other negotiator's personality, or over issues that are not directly pertinent to making a deal, can sabotage a negotiation. If someone is rude or difficult to deal with, try to understand their behavior and don't take it personally.

You can go pretty far with these basic ideas. If you want to dig deeper, read my book, Negotiation Boot Camp , and – better yet – invite me to speak at your organization's next meeting or convention.

Ed Brodow Interviews Gary Ford

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Tue, 06 Mar 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Valuable feedback from a former client.

Ed Brodow Interviews Gary Ford, President of Wood Group ESP

Gary Ford served as President of Wood Group ESP, one of the world's largest electric submersible pump manufacturers and service companies, offering a comprehensive range of solutions to the world-wide oil production industry. Headquartered in Oklahoma City, the company operates in 20 countries around the world. Ed Brodow interviewed Mr. Ford 14 years after Mr. Ford attended one of Ed's presentations.

Ed Brodow: I'm flattered that you still remember the presentation almost fourteen years later.

Gary Ford: It was the best presentation I ever attended. It really set me up for my negotiating career. I'm not blowing smoke. It has been instrumental in getting where I am now.

Ed Brodow: What was your position when you attended the presentation?

Gary Ford: I was Business Development Manager for another company in our industry.  

Ed Brodow: What do you remember most about the presentation?

Gary Ford: What stands out most is a story you told about negotiating the dues at your golf club. The light came on that everything is negotiable. It's getting over the embarrassment, the self-consciousness, and the insecurities of doing it. In the Western world, as you go west of the Persian Gulf, it's not a negotiating arena as it is in the East, where everything is the subject of negotiation.

Ed Brodow: How has this knowledge contributed to your career advancement?

Gary Ford: Up until then, my background was in marketing and engineering. Your negotiating seminar was definitely a turning point for me. What it did, it put back in what nature takes out, where people are embarrassed to negotiate. I now treat negotiating as fun. There are regions in the world where you are expected to negotiate, so you had better learn to enjoy it. My new skills especially have contributed to success in negotiating contracts. You taught me that we have to be strategic in our thoughts. I began to understand the strategic thought processes that you need. I began to look for avenues to exploit from a negotiating perspective.

Ed Brodow: Has it affected you personally?

Gary Ford: Certainly. I have carried it to all aspects of my life. Recently, I took a taxi from Oklahoma City airport and the fare was $67. I said to the driver, "Let's call it $60." He said, "Let's call it $70. Nobody negotiates a taxi ride." But the fact that I was willing to do it took him by surprise and he agreed to accept $60. It's not the money, it's the principle, and the willingness to challenge everything. It's a game of chess. Make a move, look at countermoves, try to think ahead. You need a flexible mind to think through a given situation.

Ed Brodow: Any final thoughts?

Gary Ford: If people get half of what I got from your program, they will succeed. It was the catalyst that started me off thinking, "Hey, we can negotiate this!"

Ed Brodow is a keynote speaker and author of Negotiation Boot Camp: How to Resolve Conflict, Satisfy Customers, and Make Better Deals. For more information on his presentations, call 831-372-7270 or e-mail ed@brodow.com .
Copyright © 2018 Ed Brodow. All rights reserved.

Don't Pay List: Negotiating the Best Deal for Your Money

Mon, 05 Mar 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ed shows how to stretch your paycheck by negotiating better deals for goods and services. As featured in Smart Money magazine and on Fox News.

The typical American consumer has been reluctant to challenge that retail icon, the list price. When I urge participants in my Negotiation Boot Camp® seminars to bargain for goods and services, you'd think I was asking them to commit a felony. "You can't negotiate set prices." "People will think I'm cheap." "That's not ethical." While it is acceptable to haggle with car dealers, the prevailing wisdom is that the same approach will not work in a department store or with your accountant. In fact, a certain car manufacturer has advertised that they have only one price so you won't have to be bothered with the unpleasant task of negotiating. Isn't that thoughtful of them?

Well, guess what, now that the economy has gone south on us, these rigid attitudes about wheeling and dealing are loosening up. The notion that you can stretch your paycheck by negotiating better purchases is enjoying wider acceptance. My suggestions for making deals were featured recently in Smart Money magazine, and Fox News followed me around with hidden cameras for an entire day as I bargained for consumer products, furniture, hotel rooms, and clothing.

The following tips sum up my approach to getting the best deal for your money:

1. Before you negotiate, do your homework. Read up on the dealer's cost for the car you want to buy. Comparison shop to see what different stores are asking for the same piece of furniture or for similar items. Ask your friends what their dentist charges for a porcelain crown. Do research to determine which products are hot and which are not; the best deals can be made on those that are less in demand.

2. Lower the seller's expectations by asking for concessions. The only way to get a better deal is to ask for one. Challenge everything they say. The more assertive you are in pursuing a better deal, the more they will be inclined to cave in and offer concessions. Remember that the seller is under pressure to make the sale. Especially in a down economy, sellers are desperate to find new business. In many stores, the salespeople are actually instructed to give a discount if the customer merely asks for one.

3. Try the Flinch. "What! You want how much for that refrigerator? Are you crazy?" Flinching is a good way to find out if the seller's expectations are low. It may turn out that the salesperson shares your view that the price is excessive. When you flinch, he may respond with a discount.

4. Tell a Sob Story. "I like your sofa, but I don't have enough money in my budget. I didn't plan to spend so much." This is not a lie. You have a right to set your own budget. It is the seller's choice either to meet that budget or to test your resolve by holding firm on price. The Sob Story is your way of testing how much they want to make a sale.

5. Execute the Squeeze. "I like your hotel, but I can get a better room rate elsewhere." This is also called the power of competition. Many sellers will do somersaults in order to match or beat competitive offers. Simply mentioning the competition will often lower the seller's expectations.

6. Nibble a little. "If I buy this dress, will you throw in a pair of shoes?" The seller may not be able to discount the dress, but they can sweeten the deal by throwing in other items for free or at a reduced cost.

7. Buy in quantity. "What discount will you give me if I buy three suits instead of just one?" Most sellers are accustomed to giving quantity discounts. If you can, get your friend to buy a couple of suits at the same time.

8. Don't limit your bargaining to price. Deals can also be made for non-price items such as better terms (a discount for paying cash; postponed billing), waiving the delivery charge, and warranty (including the extended warranty in the purchase price).

9. Be patient and persistent. If they say no, don't give up. Sometimes the best deal will come only after you have devoted some time to the quest, which convinces the buyer that you are serious. A friend of mine spends four hours or more when he buys a new car. He wears them down.

10. Be prepared to walk away. I call this Brodow's Law : Your willingness to walk out and either buy somewhere else or buy an alternative product is your greatest asset in any bargaining situation. You must behave as though you don't need to buy it. Many great deals occur when you return the second or third time.

11. Wait for the seller's big sale or slow season. Many clothing, appliance, and furniture stores substantially slash prices at least once a year, usually after January 1. When buying a car, consider visiting the dealer on a rainy day at the end of the month. Or buy at the end of the model year, after next year's models have been introduced.

12. Ask for their advice. If you politely ask the salesperson for suggestions on how you can do better, she may surprise you with ideas you never thought of, such as how the store has given concessions in the past, or the dates of an upcoming sale. Even if she doesn't have the authority to deal, her ideas can help you to bargain with the manager.

13. Go to a higher level. If the salesperson can't or won't give you the deal you want, ask to see the manager or owner. Higher ups are more likely to bargain because they have more authority, they don't have time to haggle, and they are more inclined to look at big picture issues such as customer good will and, "How many of these items do we need to move?" Also, the amount of your requested discount may seem less significant to a manager, who is looking at overall sales figures, than to the salesperson, who is focused on her commission.

14. Find a way for the seller to save face. They may be reluctant to give you a discount because then they can't refuse to do the same for the next customer. They need to maintain the integrity of their pricing structure. You can give them a way out by accepting a product with a defect, or by choosing the floor model, last year's model, or a repossession. Any good reason you can suggest, such as a Sob Story or the Squeeze, can help them to justify making an exception.

15. Be funny. The use of humor can lighten up the atmosphere, weaken the seller's defenses, and make it easier for you to assume a tough bargaining position without alienating the salesperson. One of my favorite gambits is to ask, "Do you give veteran's discounts?" It usually gets a laugh or a chuckle, often followed by a discount.

Remember: None of these techniques will work unless you convince yourself that it is okay to negotiate. When you bargain for goods and services, you are participating in one of the oldest human activities. The people who founded this country were traders who wheeled and dealed all the time, and in most other parts of the world, bargaining is a respected art form that is enjoyed by both buyer and seller.

Although it won't work every time, bargaining is usually successful often enough to make it worthwhile and a whole lot of fun. The bottom line is that if you don't negotiate, you are unnecessarily leaving much of your hard-earned money on the table. If you don't ask, you don't get. Good luck!

Sales Negotiation: The Seller's Dilemma

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Sat, 03 Mar 2018 00:00:00 GMT

In sales negotiations, customer price objections can be seductive. You want the sale and the customer is giving you an easy way to close it: offer a discount. However, there are two essential reasons for resisting the objections and sticking to your price:

First, closing the sale means nothing if it is not profitable. Many fine companies have gone out of business after deciding to offer major discounts. Profitability is a more realistic way of measuring success than sales volume.

Second, the most satisfied customers in a sales negotiation are the ones who pay top dollar because they appreciate the value of their investment. Buyers perceive higher-priced items to be more valuable. (Think Mercedes-Benz, Rolex, and Giorgio Armani.) In my selling career, the best customers have always been the ones who have paid full price, and the most unhappy ones have been the buyers who received a discount.

Shortly after I started my speaking and training business, I received a call from Susan, a manager at a Fortune 500 company. "We want you to train a large group of our key employees in negotiation skills," she said. "I've seen your work and I think you're the best."

I was certainly very excited, as this account would be worth about $50,000. I was about to ask Susan where I should fax the contract when she dropped a bomb. "You should know," she went on, "that my boss likes somebody else, and that company is less expensive than you are. If you lower your fee, I think we can get you hired."

I was faced with the classic sales negotiation dilemma: I wanted the deal, but did I have to drop my fee to get it? What, I wondered, was really going on? I could envision the following scenarios:

a. The buyer was telling me the truth. If I lowered my fee, I might have a better chance of beating out the competition.

b. There was no competitor. The buyer was using the "squeeze" tactic ("We can get a better deal elsewhere") as a negotiating ruse to move my fee downward.

c. This was a test of my own negotiating skills. The potential client wanted to find out whether I practiced what I preached, and how I would respond when challenged on price.

d. The company had already decided to go with my competitor. They wanted a lower number from me to give them leverage in negotiating the competitor's fee.

What would you have done? Would you have caved in and lowered your fee?

I admitted to myself that I didn't know exactly what the situation was. Fortunately, I had enough prospects and clients "in the pipeline" to justify the decision I made on what to do next.

I decided that, if I lowered my fee, the client's perception of my services would almost certainly drop, but that if I held to the price I had offered, I would at least send a positive message and have some chance to do business with Susan's company in the future.

When I called my contact back, I politely refused to play ball. "I'm really sorry, Susan," I told her. "I'd love to work with you, but I can't destroy the credibility of my fee structure. My other clients will be upset if they find out that I gave you a discount." (This was certainly true.) Susan said she understood and would get back to me.

A week later, Susan informed me that they had selected my competitor. "That's too bad," I said. "Please call me if I can help in any way."

Two weeks after that, Susan called back and said that management had experienced a change of heart. The job was mine.

After the first seminar, I sat down with Susan and talked with her about the decision-making process. "Was there really another company that your boss liked?" I asked. "Oh yes," she said. "In fact, they wanted to do business with our company so badly, they offered to put on the first seminar for nothing."

"For nothing!" I repeated. "That's quite an offer. If you were so concerned about the fee, why didn't you accept?"

"For the best of reasons," Susan replied. "When they offered to do the seminar for nothing, our perception of the value of their seminar was that it was worth the price. Namely, nothing."

My seminar had been perceived as being more valuable, thanks to my confident negotiating posture. The lesson is clear: If you present your price with confidence, and you are willing to walk away if necessary, the prospect will often conclude that you must be worth it. Like everything in sales, this approach will not work all the time. But it will work often enough -- if you are negotiating from a position of strength. To do that, of course, you must make prospecting and new business development a part of your daily routine.

The bottom line: Brodow's Law says, "Always be willing to walk away from a negotiation." In other words, never negotiate without options. For salespeople, this means that you must have enough prospects so that you can comfortably say the magic word: "Next!"

How To Get the Salary You Want: Twelve Negotiation Tactics That Work

Fri, 02 Mar 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Salaries are more negotiable than you think. Ed describes a dozen techniques for persuading your employer that you are worth more.

Many of us dislike negotiating because we are afraid of being taken advantage of, especially when we believe that we are in a weak position. Salary negotiations provide a classic example. Has the fear of rejection – of losing the job or antagonizing your boss – kept you from putting your best foot forward in negotiating your livelihood? Here is a 12-step process for negotiating your salary without fear.

1. Study the situation. Before negotiating your salary or asking for a raise, do research. What is the organization's policy on salaries? Have they established a range for your position? What are other people in comparable positions inside the organization being paid? What do other companies pay for this position? How important are you to the organization? If others are being paid more, and you are a key employee, be assertive (See #5). If the policy is not to pay what you want, and you're replaceable – be prepared to walk (See #12).

2. Know what you want. This may sound simplistic, but in reality many people negotiate for a salary without having a clear idea of what they want. First of all, what is your goal, i.e., how much will you be satisfied with? Second, what is the most you think the position will pay – the maximum? It may be more than your goal. If it is, you might begin by asking for more than you want (See #7). If the maximum is less than your goal, is it acceptable? What is the least you will accept – your bottom line? Once you establish your bottom line, be prepared to walk if you can't get it (See #12).

3. What is important to you besides money? Are you willing to accept more intangible rewards, e.g., vacation time, flexible hours, working from home, bigger title, more responsibility, stock options, pension plans, bigger office, etc. Don't forget to consider these items as part of the overall salary picture.

4. Make special time. Don't discuss your salary as an afterthought at the end of a meeting. ("Oh, by the way, there's something else I'd like to discuss with you.") Give this subject the attention it deserves. Arrange a special meeting that will focus on your salary. Get the boss to commit to a block of time.

5. Be assertive – ask for the order. Don't be afraid of losing the job. Ask for what you want. "I think I'm worth more than you are offering/than I'm being paid." If they don't agree, maybe you don't belong there. The result is always positive. Either you get paid what you think you're worth, or you discover that this isn't the right organization for you and maybe you ought to look for a better job.

6. Get the employer to make the first offer. If you're interviewing for the job, ask, "How much does this position pay?" If you're negotiating for a raise, ask, "How much of a raise can you approve?" They may surprise you by offering more than you expect. If they offer less, or they insist that you name a figure, ask for more than you want (See #7).

7. Open with an extreme position. Ask for more than you are willing to accept – you can always settle for less. If you open the negotiation with your goal – what you'll be satisfied with – the employer may interpret this as your opening move and they will offer you less. When you ask for more than you want, (a) you may get it, or (b) you can eventually settle closer to your goal. If they say, "The salary range for this position is x to y," you can (a) go for the high end of the range, or (b) challenge the range by explaining how you are an exception.

8. Approach it from the employer's perspective. What is your value to the employer? Don't say, "I have nine kids and a big mortgage, so can I have a raise?" You're not being compensated based upon your need. Phrase it from the employer's point-of-view. What's at stake for them – how do you impact their bottom line?

9. Get the employer to affirm your worth. As part of establishing your value to the organization, it's important to receive your employer's validation that they need you. Once you obtain this affirmation, their resistance is lowered.

10. Ask open-ended questions. As in any interview situation, be pro-active. Be the interviewer, not the interviewee. You can accomplish this by asking open-ended questions, i.e., questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no. Open-ended questions require lengthy answers. Ask your question and shut up.

11. Let the employer do most of the talking. Follow the 70/30 Rule: Listen 70% of the time and speak only 30% of the time. The less you talk, the more information you'll get, and the better they will feel about you. We all like people who listen to us. Let the employer talk themselves into giving you what you want.

12. Be prepared to walk if necessary. I call this Brodow's Law – always be willing to walk away from a negotiation if you can't get what you want. Another way of putting it is, never negotiate without options. In a salary negotiation, your willingness to walk away gives you tremendous power. The employer will sense it. Conversely, if you are desperate for the job and perceive that you have no alternatives, they will sense your desperation. Face it, the worst thing that can happen is, you'll have to look for another job – a BETTER job. They can't shoot you! If you know what you want and stick to it, you will win no matter what happens.

The Meaning of Value

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Thu, 01 Mar 2018 00:00:00 GMT

What does it mean when we say SELL VALUE?

In my Negotiation Boot Camp® seminars, one of the major negotiation learning points for salespeople is to shift the focus from price to value. We know that the buyer wants a lower price. But if the seller can provide value, then the buyer will pay more. Value is the key to sales negotiation. But we tend to be cavalier in the way we use the word value. What do we mean when we say, "Sell Value!"

Value is the perception by the buyer that a problem has been solved.

Every buying decision revolves around a problem that the buyer must solve. A problem means the buyer has a need that is not being fulfilled. For example, you are hungry. You have a need–hunger–that is not being met. How do you solve that problem? You buy food. The value of food is that it solves the problem posed by your hunger.

In order to take the focus off of price, the seller must:
1. Determine what problem the buyer is attempting to solve.
2. Provide the solution to the buyer's problem. The value of the seller's solution is that it solves the buyer's problem and fulfills a need. The more that is at stake for the buyer, the greater the perceived value.
3. Differentiate the seller's solution from the solutions proposed by competitors. It is not enough to have a solution. It must be the best solution, and it must be different . If all the sellers have the same solution, then the buyer can simply choose the least expensive provider. But if your solution can stand out from the crowd, you can get away with charging more for your product or service. The buyer will happily pay a premium for your unique solution.

Notice that all reference has been to the solution of the buyer's problem, not to the seller's product or service. The reason: You are not selling a product or service, you are selling a solution . The buyer does not care about your product or service. The buyer is interested in one thing only: Solving the problem. What this means is that sellers must distinguish between features and benefits (value). A feature describes a characteristic of your product or service. A benefit is what the product/service does for the buyer, i.e., how your product/service provides the solution to the buyer's problem. Features are important to sellers, but benefits are important to buyers.

The last point I want to make is that value exists only to the extent that it is perceived by the buyer . If the buyer does not understand how your solution works, it has no value. Conversely, if the buyer perceives value, it can be said to exist even if the seller's solution is second-rate. So if you are the salesperson with the best solution you can still lose the sale if the buyer perceives that your competitor's solution is superior. The buyer's perception is what it's all about.

Ed Brodow is a keynote speaker and author of Negotiation Boot Camp: How to Resolve Conflict, Satisfy Customers, and Make Better Deals. For more information on his presentations, call 831-372-7270 or e-mail ed@brodow.com .
Copyright © 2018 Ed Brodow. All rights reserved.

The Forgotten Art of Listening

Wed, 28 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

The benefits of keeping your mouth closed.

I was having lunch at a bistro in St. Paul de Vence, a picturesque hill town in the south of France. In my fractured French, I tried to order a bottle of beer.

"Je voudrais une bouteille de biere, sil vous plait." I would like a bottle of beer, I told the waitress.

"In a can," she replied. "Non," said I, "En bouteille!" In a bottle. With her hands on her hips and a sneer on her face, she repeated, "In a can!"

Now I was really getting mad. "Not in a can," I insisted. "In a bottle. En bouteille. EN BOUTEILLE!"

She threw her hands up in despair. "Monsieur, IN A CAN!"

"All right," I said. "Have it your way. Give it to me in a can. Anything. Just give me a beer!"

She stormed off and returned with a bottle of Heineken. Heineken, when you say it in French, loses the "H" and sounds like, "In a can." I practically fell off my chair, I was laughing so hard. She thought I was nuts.

The point of the story is exactly what I stress in my negotiation presentations. We hear mostly what we want to hear, not what the other person is trying to communicate to us. Many conflicts can be resolved easily if we learn how to listen.

The Catch

The catch is that listening is the forgotten art. We are so busy making sure that people hear what we have to say that we forget to listen.

The first indication I had that my education had a hole in it occurred in the Marine Corps. A kindly colonel gave me a bit of advice. "Lieutenant," he said, "you need to learn how to listen." "What?" I replied. Obviously it was going to take more than his counsel to get the point across.

Luckily for me, my next escapade was tailor made. Dun & Bradstreet hired me as a salesman in an enterprise based upon a new technology called data processing. D&B had just computerized its entire data base of credit information on millions of companies and was now selling information for marketing purposes.

For example, if your company sold ice to Eskimos, D&B could give you a printout of all the Eskimo companies in your market area, with pertinent information such as the number of Eskimos in each company and the names of key decision-making Eskimos. This was cutting-edge stuff back in 1968.

Well, my sales territory was the Canal Street area in New York – the armpit of Manhattan Island. This was the toughest place to try selling door-to-door, which is what I was being under-paid to do. I learned very quickly that the key to success in selling – as it is in negotiating – is keeping your mouth shut and listening to what people have to say.

I discovered that my sales prospects would tell me everything I needed to know in order to make the sale – if I just kept my mouth shut long enough. If I tried to make a flowery presentation, I would be thrown out. But if I let them tell me what their problems were, they would buy anything from me – even ice.

Staying In Shape

It turns out that listening is not a difficult art to master. In fact, it's quite simple. It's similar to what I go through in order to keep physically fit. The easy part of staying in shape is doing all the exercises. The hard part is getting to the gym on a regular basis. The excuses I come up with for not going are amazing. Once I get to the health club, I'm home free.

Learning to listen is the same. The hard part – the equivalent of "getting to the gym" – is shutting up. If you can train yourself to keep your mouth shut most of the time, you will be a great listener and a great negotiator.

Listening Tips

Here are some suggestions for developing your listening skills:

Develop the desire to listen . You must accept the fact that listening to others is your strongest weapon. Given the opportunity, the other person will tell you everything you need to know. If this doesn't create desire, I don't know what will.
Always let the other person do most of the talking. This is a simple matter of mathematics. I suggest a 70/30 rule. You listen 70% of the time and you talk 30% of the time.
Don't interrupt. There is always the temptation to interrupt so you can tell the other person something you think is vitally important. It isn't, so don't. When you are about to speak, ask yourself if it is really necessary.
Learn active listening. It's not enough that you're listening to someone – you want to be sure that they know you're listening. Active listening is the art of communicating to the other person that you're hearing their every word.
Ask for clarification if needed. This will clear up any misunderstanding you have.
Get used to 'listening' for nonverbal messages – body language. The other person may be communicating with you via body language. You need to decode the message.
Ask a question...then shut up. This is a foolproof way to listen. Think of yourself as an interviewer – Barbara Walters! She listens and questions – so should you.

Tips For Asking Questions

Once you have learned how to keep yourself from speaking, the art of asking questions is the shortcut to effective listening. Here are some tips for asking questions:

Ask open-ended questions. Questions that can't be answered with a simple yes or no. "How could we do this?" "What do you think?" Your objective is to get them to talk as much as possible.
Don't ask questions that put them on the defensive. For example, "Why?" is intimidating. Don't ask "why?" Ask "how come?"
Ask "What if?" What if we did it this way?
Ask for their advice. "What would you suggest we do to resolve this?" Everyone loves to be asked for advice.
Offer alternatives. "Which way would you prefer?" This demonstrates your respect for the other person.
Ask about their feelings. "How do you feel about this?" People love to have their feelings validated.
Repeat back what they said. "Let me be sure I understand what you're saying. You're saying that...?" This technique will prevent misunderstandings and convince them that you really are listening.

Being A Detective

Well, there it is. Now all you need to do is practice. If you want to watch a role model for all of this, turn on a rerun of a Columbo episode. He's my role-model. I advise all my negotiators to think of themselves as detectives.

One more thing. If you get to St. Paul de Vence, do me a favor. Don't be an ugly American. Take whatever they give you.

Ten Tips for Convincing the Buyer to Pay More

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Tue, 27 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

How to get the price you want.

Every salesperson eventually must confront the following situation:

You want the deal badly.
You need the business.
You've been suspecting that your price is too high to begin with.

So what do you do? You lower your price rather than negotiate. Many salespeople are afraid to stand by their price structure because of a single mistaken assumption: "If I refuse to negotiate my price, I'll lose all my customers." The reality is just the opposite. If you aren't prepared to defend your price, your customers will lose respect for you.

Here are ten tips that will help you to negotiate the price you deserve:

Tip Number One: You are entitled to reasonable compensation.

Just as your doctor, your accountant, and your plumber are entitled to a reasonable compensation for their services, you are entitled to a reasonable compensation for your product or service. What is reasonable? Whatever you can convince your buyer that your product or service is worth. The operative principle here is value. No buyer will begrudge you a price that is reasonable relative to the perceived value of the product or service.

Tip Number Two: Don't sell yourself short!

Do you believe that what you are selling is worth the price? If the answer is yes, and I certainly hope it is, then you should expect to receive a worthy price. If you lack confidence about your product or service, buyers will become aware of your doubts. Have you noticed the range of prices for similar products and services? It fascinates me when some salespeople are able to bring in the order at a premium price while others can't seem to get by without discounting. What accounts for this? One salesperson gets up in the morning and says, "My product is great and my customers are happy to pay my price!" Another salesperson gets up and says, "My product is great, but the buyer will never pay me such-and-such!" Don't sell yourself short.

Tip Number Three: Don't apologize!

Once you have established the value of your product or service, present your price with confidence. Never apologize for your price. If you believe your price is correct, just assume that your customers will agree

Tip Number Four: Always be willing to walk away!

I call this Brodow's Law. You must be prepared to say "Next!" or your customers will sense your uncertainty. The willingness to walk away from a sale comes from having options. It is crucial to have other potential sales in the line-up. When you know that your sales career doesn't hinge on this one deal, you can exude confidence. And buyers will bow to confidence.

Tip Number Five: How to justify your price.

Once you have decided on your price, you must provide reasonable justification so your buyer will say, "Okay, that makes sense. I can accept that." Here is your justification:

1. Give your price legitimacy: "My price is reasonable for the marketplace. This is the going price for this product or service." If your buyers are doing their homework, they will know you are telling the truth. And remember you are entitled to a reasonable compensation.

2. Focus on the value of your product or service, not on the price. Buyers will pay for value. Sell features and benefits.

3. Show them that you'd like to help them out, but you can't because you can't lower your price for one customer without lowering your price for everybody.

Tip Number Six: When to negotiate your price.

Obviously, there are exceptions. You want to leave yourself the option of negotiating a lower price if it is in your best interest to do so. The operative principle here is called "saving face." In other words, you will lower your price only if you can save face, i.e., maintain the integrity of your basic pricing structure. So you tell your customer, "I accept a lower price only under the following circumstances ..."

What are those circumstances?

You might consider offering a discount if the customer will buy more than one, or if the merchandise is flawed. I recently gave a keynote speech at a reduced fee for a client who had already booked six seminars. My face-saver: the multiple bookings. (As a result of the interest generated by the keynote, the client booked another ten seminars.)

Tip Number Seven: Make the buyer work for concessions.

If you appear too anxious to negotiate your price or terms downward, the buyer will perceive you as worth less (or worthless). One of my favorite price negotiations was with a client who received a proposal from a competitor of mine who wanted the job so badly that they offered to do a negotiation seminar for nothing (just to break into the account). My client tried to convince me that I should lower my fee, but I politely refused. In the end, my clients booked me because they viewed my competitor's presentation as worth the price -- namely zero. My seminar was perceived to be more valuable due to my confident negotiating posture. If you do lower your price, be sure you made your buyer earn the concession. Don't give in right away. Ask for concessions in return, such as additional business.

Tip Number Eight: Qualify your prospective buyers.

There are occasions where you may be wasting your time negotiating with a customer. If you think a buyer may be out of your price range (either below it or above it), ask: "What kind of budget are we looking at?" or "What range are we looking at here?" You may want to let them know that you are not in the same range. You may want to sell them a more or less expensive item. Or you may want to fit them into an exception category -- provided you can save face.

Tip Number Nine: How to deal with three typical buyer tactics.

1. The Flinch: The buyer says, "Your price is what!" and they start choking. Your response: Silence. They just wanted to see if they could get a reaction out of you. Don't react. It's a test. Be persistent. Repeat your price and justify it as in Tip Number Five.

2. The Squeeze: The buyer tells you, "You have to do better!" or "I can get it for less." Your response:

a. Sell your unique qualifications. Take the focus off of the price. Get them to agree that yours is the one they want, and that the price is only a technicality. If they really want yours, they will find a way to pay for it. Remember my story of the competitor who offered to speak for nothing. Just because the buyer has a potential vendor with a lower price doesn't mean that they want that vendor.

b. Tie a string. Offer to reduce your price only in return for additional volume, or a commitment to purchase other items at full price.

3. The Sob Story: The cry, "All I have in my budget is..." or "All we can afford is..." Your response:

a. Don't budge. Call their bluff. They may be testing to see how firm your price is.

b. Ask, "Are there any other budgets you can draw from?" Their budget for your product or service may not be the only one available to them.

Tip Number Ten: Leave the customer feeling satisfied.

Whatever you do, remember that your objective is to create a satisfied customer. How to satisfy your customers without lowering your price:

1. Be a good listener. Allow them to get their gripes about your price off their chest. They will thank you for being patient with them.

2. Help them to accept your fee by providing reasonable justification.

3. Sell your unique strengths. Believe in yourself.

The major obstacle that prevents salespeople from receiving the price they want is the fear of rejection. One way of dealing with this fear is to lower your price. A better way is to overcome your fear by schooling yourself in assertive negotiation techniques. When you do it right, both you and your customer will feel a sense of satisfaction. Ultimately, your belief in yourself and your product or service will be your best weapon. Your confidence will be rewarded.

Ten Things People Don't Realize They Can Negotiate For

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Mon, 26 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ed expands your negotiation consciousness to include many situations that could result in a better deal.

Many people are reluctant to exercise their bargaining power. In my seminars, when I discuss ways to expand your paycheck by negotiating, participants will say, "But I can't do that." After they observe my facial reaction, they blurt out, "You mean I can?" Even sophisticated business executives are bearish when it comes to what is -- and what is not -- negotiable. Here are ten negotiables you may not have thought of:

1. Salary. People are afraid they will antagonize the boss or even lose their job if they attempt to negotiate what they are paid. This is fostered by what I call "management by intimidation." However, if the company values your services, it can't afford to fire you for being assertive. And if they do, so what -- you'll find a better job.

2. Loan rates and approvals. Bank officers typically have some discretion when it comes to doling out money. If you are turned down for credit, be assertive and challenge their assumptions. Present your point-of-view in a positive yet polite way.

3. Income tax. The Internal Revenue Service is amenable to your ideas about what you should have to pay and how long you should have to pay it. The tax code is not always clear. Don't assume that the IRS is intractable.

4. Professional fees. Your doctor, dentist, accountant, etc., may be willing to give you a discount if you are willing to ask for one. They typically lose a substantial percentage of their income to patients or clients who refuse to pay anything at all. Many professionals would rather settle for something from you than wind up with nothing.

5. Credit card fees. In most cases, charges such as the annual fee and even the interest rate are negotiable. If your credit card company won't waive the fee, cancel the card.

6. Consumer goods. Most people don't realize the extent of their negotiating power when it comes time to purchase retail items. Recently, Fox News followed me around a shopping mall with a hidden camera as I piled up a whopping $3,500 in discounts in just a couple of hours. The discounted items: furniture, clothing, appliances, jewelry, and cell phones.

7. Hotel rates. In addition to the rate offered to the traveler off the street (the "rack" rate), hotels typically offer corporate rates, senior rates, AAA rates, weekend rates, etc. Tell them what you'd like to spend -- you may be surprised by the result.

8. Vacation packages. The printed price lists that you see are merely the tip of the iceberg. Salespeople in the travel industry often have lots of room to make deals, especially when they are hungry.

9. Funerals. Funeral parlors may benefit from the emotional trauma experienced by the bereaved when it comes to prices for caskets and various services. Burying your money with the deceased makes little sense when you can negotiate these items.

10. Divorces. Here again the emotional trauma often prevents participants from treating this like any other business transaction, which is what it is. Negotiation strategies -- such as extreme offers, lowering the other side's aspirations, setting high goals, and being willing to walk away -- work just as well here as in other contract negotiations.

Ed Brodow is a keynote speaker and author of Negotiation Boot Camp: How to Resolve Conflict, Satisfy Customers, and Make Better Deals. For more information on his presentations, call 831-372-7270 or e-mail ed@brodow.com .
Copyright © 2018 Ed Brodow. All rights reserved.

Tyranny vs. TLC: Five Negotiation Tips for Managers

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Sun, 25 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ed shows managers how to utilize effective negotiation techniques to motivate their employees.

I was one of eight experienced sales representatives transferred to a different department in another division. On our first day in the new department, we were ushered into the manager’s office, shook hands, and sat down. I will never forget the first thing our new boss said to us.

Not "Good morning" or "Welcome to my department."

He said: "I fired 125 people last year and I'm proud of it!"

Imagine the effect his statement had on the group. Were we motivated? Inspired? I know that I wasn't. I was disgusted. This approach to managing people—by fear—has long been the norm in the corporate world, and it accounts for much of the dissatisfaction in the workplace. Studies have shown that the number-one reason for stress on the job is the boss. If management's goal is to get employees to do what it wants, this style of management by fear is counterproductive.

I prefer a more affectionate system of management, derived from my Three Rules for Win-Win Negotiating.

1. Treat each employee as an individual.

The affection-based manager does not try to intimidate his employees, but rather encourages them to apply their strengths in areas where they can make the optimum contribution. He finds a way to utilize each person's unique attributes to foster cooperation in service of the company.

When I worked as a sales rep for IBM, I once alerted my manager to a threat from a competitor who was going after our largest customer. Unfortunately for him, my manager didn't see me as an individual who could make a genuine contribution to the company.

"You are just a junior marketing representative," he told me. "You don't have the necessary experience to be able to analyze our overall account strategy. You couldn't possibly be right about this situation."

He was wrong—my prediction turned out to be dead-on. But by the time my manager realized it, it was too late. That taught me a lesson. When I became a sales manager at Litton Industries, I tried to view each of my reps as a partner rather than a subordinate, each with a set of unique skills. Our product line consisted mainly of complex systems. When it came to my attention that one of my reps didn't have a sophisticated understanding of our big, complex systems, instead of firing or demoting him, I asked him to concentrate on smaller systems. It worked. He broke the company record for selling small systems. Had I taken the “tough boss” approach and punished him for his poor performance with the complex systems, I would have lost a valuable member of our sales team.

2. Develop trust by listening.
A client of mine with a network of dental offices set up a series of procedures for his employees to follow when dealing with patients. But his employees refused to follow the rules. My client took an adversarial, disrespectful position—"I'm the boss, do as I say" was his attitude. He scolded, threatened and even fired one person as an example to the others. Nothing worked until I convinced the client to show his employees respect by listening. So he set up a meeting in which the staff could air their grievances and make suggestions for improving the rules. My client finally heard what they had to say, and together they created a new set of office procedures that the employees were happy to follow—and that ended up being much more effective.

3. Provide clear objectives.
One leading cause of workplace stress is confusion over expectations. When employees have clear guidelines for job objectives, this confusion disappears. The best manager I ever had would first describe the task and then give me options for how to accomplish it in my own way. It was the most productive period in my corporate career. Effective managers do not say, "Do it this way because I say so." They describe the objective, telling subordinates what to do but not how to do it. If an employee's skill set is in sync with her position, and she understands her objectives, she will get the job done. The manager's function is to provide clear options that lead to the desired result.

4. Involve subordinates in decision-making.
Affection-based managers make subordinates feel that they are part of the decision-making process. Because they are involved in the process, they have a stake in the outcome. They can later see how they contributed to the end product, and they enjoy a sense of completion. Workers who feel that they are an integral part of an operation are far more productive than those who do not. Employees who are able to see the fruits of their labor and ideas derive a strong sense of satisfaction from their jobs.

5. Give constructive criticism.
People who manage by fear are often abusive in their application of criticism. In adversarial management, criticism is a tool for bullying. The affection-based manager, however, uses constructive criticism—criticism that encourages you to correct the mistake without insulting or offending. Sometimes criticism is called for, but if it is delivered in an objective, affirming and kind way, it will make employees want to do better in the future, not feel shame about their mistakes.

Do Good Negotiators Make Better Deals?

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Sat, 24 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ed answers the question, "Does it make sense to improve your negotiating skills or is it all a big waste of time?"

The ability of a good negotiator to make a significant difference is often brought into question. Does it make sense to improve your negotiating skills or is it all a big waste of time? The issue came up when a friend asked: "Should I sell my house by myself or am I better off hiring a real estate agent?" Real estate agents receive as much as six percent commission. What my friend was asking is, are they worth it? Can a real estate agent earn her commission by negotiating a better deal than you could all by yourself? Good question.

If you ask around, many people will suggest that every deal has a "perfect outcome" that will be reached no matter what the negotiators do. A house that is worth $300,000 will sell for around $300,000, give or take a minor variation. A job that is worth $100,000 per annum will pay around $100,000. Not much any negotiator can do to influence the outcome. Can this be true? Here is my answer.

In my seminars, participants are divided into pairs for negotiation role-plays. If the group consists of 50 people, we have 25 negotiations going on simultaneously and they all have the exact same situation, the same assumptions, the same amount of time to make a deal. Over the last twenty years, I have conducted literally hundreds of these seminars with thousands of participants from every conceivable industry and region. Without a single exception, the results of the role-plays always show as much as a 100 percent variation in outcomes . In other words, if the participants are negotiating for the price of a house in which the seller is asking $300,000, the outcomes will range from approximately $175,000 to $350,000. Considering that they are all negotiating for the same thing, how can this be? Without question, it is the negotiating ability of the various participants that accounts for the difference.

You may ask, does this apply to the real world? One of my clients, a software company, was curious if the money they spent on my fee was worth it. They decided on a little experiment. They tracked the average selling price of their products before and after I trained their sales force. This is what my client found out: Before I showed up, the salespeople were caving in to customer demands right and left. Profits were hurting. In the year after I taught them the correct way to negotiate a sale, the company's average sale went up by an extraordinary 59 percent !

The way you negotiate really does matter. A good negotiator can be responsible for as much as a 100 percent difference in the outcome of a deal. This is clearly the most eye-opening nugget of wisdom I have acquired in twenty years of teaching people how to negotiate. The consistent evidence suggests that a perfect outcome is nonexistent. Every deal must rise or fall based upon the behavior of the parties. These factors will influence the outcome of your negotiation: your ability to read the other side's situation; how you manage the other side's expectations; where you open and how you make concessions; the point at which you decide to agree.

Every negotiation is unique. Any given pair of negotiators will arrive at a one-of-a-kind agreement. The elements may differ: personalities, time pressure, exigencies of the situation, etc. The one element that you have the most control over, and which can have the greatest impact on the outcome, is your negotiating ability.

Ed Brodow is a keynote speaker and author of Negotiation Boot Camp: How to Resolve Conflict, Satisfy Customers, and Make Better Deals. For more information on his presentations, call 831-372-7270 or e-mail ed@brodow.com .
Copyright © 2018 Ed Brodow. All rights reserved.

In Praise of Win-Win Negotiating

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Fri, 23 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Collaboration yields strong dividends.

A new book on negotiating claims that win-win negotiation can only get you into trouble. People will take advantage of you. It's a waste of time. I am appalled that readers are exposed to this kind of nonsense, but I can understand why many negotiators are hesitant to try the cooperative approach. Here are their reasons:

They are afraid of being taken advantage of by a ruthless opponent.
They are too lazy to change the way they have always negotiated.
Even if they wanted to, they don't know how to change bad habits.

The question is: Is win-win worth all the effort? I believe it is. A tragic incident in my hometown, the Monterey Peninsula on the Central California coast, illustrates the superiority of collaboration over confrontation.

Three days ago, Mel Grimes returned to his secluded Carmel Valley home at the end of his workday. The 58-year-old Mr. Grimes was an attorney with an excellent reputation in the local community. As he pulled into his driveway, his progress was impeded by a boulder. That's right. A boulder. Not a rock, but a BOULDER!

It seems that a disagreement had existed for some time between Mr. Grimes and his next-door neighbor, Jack Kenney, a 72-year-old geologist, over a part of the driveway that both of them shared. Mr. Kenney held the position that a portion of the driveway was his property and that Mr. Grimes had no right to use it. On that afternoon, Mr. Kenney had arranged for a large boulder to be set in place blocking access to Mr. Grimes' driveway. When Mr. Grimes arrived and saw the boulder, he confronted Mr. Kenney and emotions ran wild.

The police log shows that Mr. Grimes' wife, Elizabeth, 55, called and requested police assistance in quelling the hostile confrontation. Then, from her kitchen window, she saw Mr. Kenney pull out an automatic pistol and fire it at Mr. Grimes. Mrs. Grimes ran outside to help her husband and was also gunned down by Mr. Kenney. Mr. Grimes was pronounced dead at the scene and Mrs. Grimes died on the way to the hospital.

Three lives were ruined. Had these unfortunate people used my Three Rules for Win-Win Negotiating, all of them would still be living productive lives. Here are the rules (from my book, Negotiation Boot Camp ):

Change your behavior from adversarial to cooperative. In other words, don't adopt the other person's hostility, try to understand their behavior, and treat them like a partner.
Develop trust by listening. Don't blame the other person. Give them a chance to tell you what their real needs are. We trust people who listen to us. Trust is a prerequisite to collaboration.
Explore options for mutual satisfaction. How can both of us get our needs met? Brainstorm the problem together.

Judging by the facts, Mr. Grimes and Mr. Kenney treated each other as adversaries, failed to maintain an open discourse, and did not explore their options for solving the disagreement. The atmosphere was one of total distrust.

In Negotiation Boot Camp , I describe a similar negotiation that I had with my next-door neighbor over the fence between our properties. Without notifying my neighbor, I extended the fence by three feet to prevent outsiders (including my neighbor) from looking into my living room, one side of which is all glass. When she saw the addition to the fence, my neighbor angrily remarked, "What's the big idea? That fence ruins the whole look of my house!"

Her comment was clearly absurd. Ruin the whole look of her house? That is an insult to my intelligence, I thought. My initial reaction was anger. How dare she behave in such an inconsiderate manner? But then I realized that she was just upset because I had not informed her in advance that I intended to extend the fence, which, after all, was on her property as well as mine. What she was really after was an apology.

I made an on-the-spot decision not to react to her anger. Changing my behavior from adversarial to cooperative, I simply said, "I'm sorry. Just tell me what you want me to do, and I'll take care of it." She was so surprised by my conciliatory response that she dropped her complaint. I had successfully resisted the temptation to mirror my neighbor's rude behavior. Instead, I made the effort to understand her motivation and treated her with the respect due to a partner. It worked.

Of course you will find yourself in some situations where win-win does not work. But I contend that those unpleasant experiences are in the minority. Most of the time, if you are willing to set an example by applying the Three Rules, treating the other negotiator as a partner, they will follow your lead and both of you will enjoy a fruitful relationship.

Here is a summary of the benefits of win-win negotiating:

Both sides enjoy having their needs met.
The anxiety that accompanies adversarial negotiation disappears when the objective is not to win but rather to help each other. Yes, negotiation actually becomes fun!
The emotional explosions that characterize confrontations like the one described at the beginning of this article are channeled into creative, productive outcomes.
Collaboration leads to mutually beneficial long-term relationships.

People in and out of the business world are tired of the old paradigm for negotiating in which we try to abuse each other in order to win. Public consciousness is shifting in the direction of collaboration, and I think it's about time.

Walking Away from a Sale

Thu, 22 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Excerpted from Negotiation Boot Camp: How to Resolve Conflict,Satisfy Customers, and Make Better Deals by Ed Brodow.

Brodow's Law of Negotiation states: Always be willing to walk away! If you are too anxious to close a sale, you lose your ability to say NO to unreasonable buyer demands. Don't place yourself in a position where you accept a less than satisfactory outcome, just to close a deal.

Your willingness to walk away can help you to close a sale. Here's how:

1. Walking away may force the buyer to soften its position.

In one eye-opening situation, I received a call from the CEO of an East Coast high tech company.

"I'm looking for the keynote speaker for my upcoming conference," he said. "You were recommended. You have three minutes to tell me why I should hire you!"

Something about his brusque manner irritated me. I decided not to do business with him.

"Actually," I replied, "I'm very busy right now, and I don't think I'm the right speaker for your group anyway. You better find someone else."

He quickly went from curt to pleading.

"What do you mean?" he said. "You have an excellent reputation. Why won't you speak for us?"

My willingness to turn him away broke down his obnoxious attitude. I was hired – without having to justify my qualifications or put up with this man's rude behavior.

2. Your willingness to walk away demonstrates your commitment.

Savvy negotiators are always testing you to see how committed you are to your position. In order to convince them, you may have to resort to strong measures – including walking out. Otherwise, the buyer may continue to believe that you will offer more concessions. When the buyer sees that you are totally committed to your position, he will back down and you will close a profitable sale.

This lesson was lasered onto my consciousness during my corporate sales career, when one of my prospective clients reneged on a promise to sign our contract. Without saying a word, I packed up my briefcase and walked out of his office.

"Where are you going?" he called after me.

"I'm leaving," I said. "You lied to me and I don't want to do business with you."

He chased me all the way to the elevator bank and begged me to return. He knew he had pushed me as far as I would go, and he agreed to sign the contract.

Afterwards, he asked me, "Ed, if I hadn't followed you, would you have come back?"

"I guess you'll never know," I told him.

3. Walking away can help the buyer sell your position to their boss.

Buyers may have to justify their concessions to someone higher up on the food chain. Now they can tell the boss, "See, we had to make those concessions or the seller would have walked away from the deal."

Let me make this clear: I am not saying that you should always walk away from a sale. But if you don't even consider the option of walking away from the negotiation, you may be inclined to cave in to the buyer's demands simply to make a deal.

You must be prepared to say "Next!" or your customers will sense your uncertainty. The willingness to walk away from a sale comes from having other potential sales in the lineup. When you know that your sales career doesn't hinge on this one deal, you can exude confidence. If you are not desperate – if you recognize that you have other options – the buyer will sense your inner strength. Your willingness to walk away is one of the greatest bargaining chips you have.

Dimmer or Dimwit: A Lesson in Persistence

Wed, 21 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

This real-life story illustrates how negotiators are assertive and refuse to take no for an answer.

Have you ever been treated unfairly and found that there was nothing you could do about it? My suggestion: be assertive and don't give up.

My friend, Barbara, ordered a special light for her new condo, specifying that she wanted a dimmer switch on the light. The salesman at the lighting store confirmed this. However, when Barbara installed the light, there was no dimmer. She checked back with the store and, sure enough, they had not ordered the dimmer. What's more, they informed her that this particular light does not come with a dimmer. Why hadn't they told her in the first place?

So Barbara ordered a different light. It cost an additional eighty dollars for her contractor to re-install it.

"Should I ask the store for an eighty dollar credit?" Barbara asked her contractor, who originally had recommended the lighting store.

"No," the contractor replied, "don't bother. That store NEVER refunds labor costs."

Most people would have given up at this point. Not Barbara. In spite of the contractor's advice, Barbara went back to the store and asked the clerk on duty. "No," replied the clerk. "We never refund labor costs." Apparently the contractor was correct.

"That's not fair." Barbara was not conceding. "I incurred an eighty dollar charge only because your store ordered the wrong item."

"I'm sorry," said the clerk, "but I don't have the authority to give you a refund. We don't do that."

Fortunately, Barbara still did not give up. She found the salesman who took the original order and confronted him with the situation. "I think I am entitled to a refund or at least a credit," Barbara insisted.

"You're right," he said. "We normally don't agree to refund labor. I'm not sure how I am going to do this," he added, "but we'll give you a credit."

He went over to the clerk and told her to "take care of it." A refund, not a credit, was immediately applied to Barbara's credit card.

The lesson: Negotiators are assertive and challenge what they are told. They don't accept the negative opinions of other people (such as a contractor). If they are told, "I don't have the authority," they seek out the person who does. They never give up. Persistence is their middle name.

Why Negotiators Live Longer

Tue, 20 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

A scientific correlation has been established between assertiveness and longevity. This article explains how you can negotiate your way to the age of 100.

In 1994, I coined the term negotiation consciousness to describe how successful negotiators are assertive and challenge everything. This is the most important trait for any negotiator. To my delight, the scientific community has confirmed a correlation between negotiation consciousness and longevity. What a relief -- I'm going to live longer!

The San Francisco Chronicle reported the findings of a multi-year study of centenarians – Americans who have passed their 100th birthday – run by psychologist Leonard Poon, director of the University of Georgia's Gerontology Center.

Poon's study began in 1988 on a National Institutes of Health grant. His objective was to explore reasons for successful aging. What he found was that "in extreme old age individuals can be assertive and forceful." Centenarians "tend to be independent," Poon said. "They also tend to be suspicious. They won't just take one's word on something. They tend to question what you have to tell them."

In other words, people who exhibit the number one trait of successful negotiators – negotiation consciousness – are more likely to live longer!

Challenge Your Mortality

As I explain in my book, Negotiation Boot Camp , all of the successful negotiators I know proceed from the assumption that everything is negotiable. Challenge , as my book defines it, means not taking things at face value. It means thinking for yourself. You must be able to make up your own mind, as opposed to believing everything you are told. Sound familiar? It sounds like it's right out of Poon's study.

My assumption is that you can't be a successful negotiator unless you are willing to challenge the validity of the opposing position. People who pay full sticker price on a new car and who believe everything they read in the newspaper or hear on CNN are not likely candidates for Negotiator of the Month . Ironically, neither are they likely candidates for longevity.

Some new age thinkers like Deepak Chopra have suggested that the aging process can be retarded by positive mental attitude. What Poon's study suggests is that positive mental attitude, or what I call negotiation consciousness, is a mandatory prerequisite for longevity.

Assert Your Way To 100

Poon also describes his centenarians as being assertive . Being assertive means taking care of your own interests while maintaining respect for the interests of others. (As opposed to being aggressive , which implies that you attend to your own interests with a lack of regard for others.) Here are some assertiveness training tips:

Ask. Get into the habit of asking for what you want. Be persistent. Don't take no for an answer. In my negotiation training seminars, I am always amazed at how many participants are reluctant to pursue their basic interests. We have been led to believe that there is something wrong with taking care of our own needs.

Next time you take a commercial flight, read the card that describes what to do in the event of a loss of cabin pressure. You are advised to adjust your own breathing mask before you attend to that of your child. In other words, if we don't satisfy our own needs, we aren't in a very good position to help anyone else. People who ask for what they need are people who receive.

Eliminate negative self-talk. Self-awareness is the key. Every time you become aware that your inner voice is telling you not to be assertive, give yourself a pat on the back. Substitute a positive thought for the negative one. "I have a good chance of getting what I want if I ask for it" is more productive than "They'll never say yes ."

Practice expressing your feelings without anxiety or anger. Let people know how you feel in a non-threatening way. Practice 'I' statements. For example, instead of saying, "You shouldn't do that," try substituting, "I don't feel comfortable when you do that."

Learn how to say no . In other words, set limits. If you perceive yourself as a separate human being, you can establish your boundaries. Don't permit other people to step over those boundaries. This is how we learn to withstand intimidation. "I'm sorry, but I'm really not interested in buying a car today, thank you."

I hope you're as excited as I am to know that being an avid negotiator means living longer. Please let me know if this works for you – call me when you reach 100! If I don't answer, keep trying.

Negotiation Is No Laughing Matter -- Or Is It?

Tue, 20 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

A firm believer in the use of humor in negotiation, Ed describes three practical reasons for having a few well-placed laughs.

I want to share with you a personal secret that has been of great value to me over the years. I'm a strong personal believer in the use of humor in negotiation.

Humor does three things. First, when you inject a little humor it can really lighten things up. Second, humor makes it easier to be tough without offending anybody. And third, humor helps when you don't want to answer a question.

First of all, humor can help you get what you want by breaking up the tension. It makes people feel more comfortable. And it shows that you don't take yourself too seriously.

I just read in Time Magazine that when we were negotiating with the North Koreans for the release of an American pilot who was shot down over their airspace, the chief U.S. negotiator said to the North Korean negotiators, "Well, is he okay, does he still have his fingernails?" There was a moment of silence and then the North Koreans burst out laughing. Imagine how much that remark eased the tension.

Then there's this little thing that I do when I buy something in a store. I ask the salesperson, "Do you give veteran's discounts?" It's amazing what happens. Sometimes they don't get it, and they just say no . But more often I get a big chuckle out of them, and quite often I get a substantial discount.

I remember buying a lumbar backrest, one of those things that you put in the small of your back when you sit. I asked the salesman, "Do you give veteran's discounts?" He started to laugh and he said, "What war?" I replied, "The Spanish American War," which, for those of you who are too young to remember, was in 1898. He practically fell down he was laughing so hard, but he gave me a ten percent discount. It's hard to resist a little well-placed humor.

Second, humor makes it easier for you to take a hard line without offending anybody. I remember a sales presentation where we asked the buyer, "Are we in the ballpark?" He said, "Boys, you don't even have gloves!" We roared. It was hilarious. But we got the point, which was, "Sharpen your pencils!"

Third, if you want to avoid answering a question, humor can help. Just make a joke out of it. Politicians are good at that.

So remember, laugh and the world laughs with you! Cry, and it's time to read my book.

Negotiators Like to Take Risks

Mon, 19 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ed advocates taking reasonable risks based on reliable information. In this article, he describes the pros and cons of being a risk-taker.

I coined the term negotiation consciousness to describe the willingness of successful negotiators to be assertive and challenge everything. Implied in this concept is the practice of taking reasonable risks based upon reliable information. Negotiators understand that we all need to take risks. Face it, you wouldn't be alive and reading this if your parents hadn't taken a risk.

The opportunity for taking risks occurs in every step of the negotiation process. Taking risks can involve asking for more than you think you can get. It can involve giving the other side an ultimatum – take this or else.

Or it can manifest itself in the form of theatricality. Have you ever taken the risk of getting emotional in a negotiation? Next time you buy a car, for example, try a little old-fashioned anger and threaten to walk out. How do you feel when someone else gets emotional? Suppose you have to fire an employee and they start to cry. (It happened to me.) Histrionics can be effective.

When it comes to taking risks, the real question is, "How much risk is justifiable?" My grandfather risked everything he had in the stock market. It must have appeared to him as a reasonable risk. Unfortunately, the year was 1929 and he was wiped out. My grandmother didn't think it was reasonable. She never spoke to him again.

I read a remarkable story in the newspaper about risk-taking. It seems that a man in Arles, France, made a deal with a woman for what we would call a reverse mortgage. The deal was this: he agreed to pay her $500 a month for the rest of her life. In return, the ownership of her apartment in Arles would revert to him upon her demise.

What was the risk factor in this deal – the woman's longevity, right? Well, you'll be relieved to know that our risk taker was pretty smart – he was 47 and the woman was 90 years old! A great risk, wouldn't you say? Well, guess again. The man just died at the age of 77 and the woman is the world's oldest person at 120! (What makes it even worse – or better, if you're the old woman – is that the man's widow is required to continue the payments.)

There is an important lesson in this. Don't move to France! (Just kidding.) The lesson is that we need to assess the viability of the risk AND our options if the risk turns sour. Select an upcoming negotiation and ask yourself these two questions (from my book, Negotiation Boot Camp ):

1. "How much risk am I comfortable taking in this negotiation?" If you are selling your house, how long are you willing to hold on before you drop your price? If it's a seller's market, it may be a viable risk to wait until you get your price. If you're in a buyer's market, however, you may want to grab the first warm buyer who comes along.

2. "If I take the risk and it doesn't work out the way I hope, what options/alternatives do I have? Do I have a Plan B?" If you lose a buyer for your house because you won't budge on the price, are you likely to have other buyers knocking at your door? Brodow's Law says: Always be willing to walk away – never negotiate without options! If you want the deal too badly, you lose your ability to say no. Don't place yourself in a position where you have no options.

What might Plan B have been for the poor fellow in Arles – a hitman? (Don't get me wrong, it just sounds like the screenplay for one of those zany French comedies.) In this case, the risk might have been more viable to a bank with better options – a bank would have other deals to offset this one. The viability of the risk is relative to the nature of the risk-taker.

The key thing to remember is that successful negotiators take reasonable risks based upon reliable information. Have you taken any risks lately?

The Importance of Saying No

Sun, 18 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ed explains why saying no can help to create satisfied customers.

Salespeople hate to say no. We tend to feel a lot better if we agree to satisfy the customer's every wish. Because we're afraid that if we don't, the customer will be angry, won't like us, and will decide not to give us the order. In spite of this insidious fear, my belief is that if we learn how to say no, the customer is more likely to be satisfied than if we say yes.

This conclusion, which may seem counterintuitive, was reinforced this afternoon by my friend Matt, who used to be a California prison guard. "In prison," Matt explained, "if you say yes and then it turns out that you have to say no, you could wind up with a knife in the back of your head. That's why you always start out by saying no. Then if you say yes, you're a hero." Makes sense to me.

Chapter Six of my book, Negotiation Boot Camp , is the chapter on how to make concessions, and it opens with a story about Matt that, to my amusement, has spawned a series of magazine and Internet articles written by people who have been intrigued by his approach to negotiation. Matt, you see, owns the health club where I play handball. As described in Negotiation Boot Camp , when Matt took over the club, he announced that he was going to convert all four of our handball/racquetball courts into weight training areas. Well you can imagine the uproar from the cadre of ball players. We were up in arms.

After some heated negotiating sessions, Matt agreed to keep two of the courts. The handball players were delighted. We felt we had won the negotiation. Yours truly, however, suspected that Matt was smarter than we were. Something told me that he never intended to eliminate all the courts. When I asked him about it, he confessed that my suspicion was correct.

"If I said at the beginning that I'm taking out two of the four courts," Matt acknowledged, "you guys would have been bitching and moaning for years. Instead, I threatened to take out all the courts and then appeared to relent under pressure." Matt's experience with all those prisoners was paying off.

Consider how this reflects the typical sales situation. The buyer wants a lower price, quicker delivery, better terms, etc. If we give in to all of these demands, it will only (a) serve to raise the buyer's expectations and (b) lower the buyer's perception of value. "I should have asked for more," the buyer will complain and, bingo, you have a dissatisfied customer on your hands. The buyer now perceives your product is not as good as you said it was. If it was that good, why would you be giving in? But when you say no, I'm sorry but we can't do that, the buyer's perception is that he pushed you as far as you would go. He thinks he got a great deal.

In my sales career spanning several decades, I can say without reservation that my best customers have been the ones who paid top dollar. They were the ones who were told no. They appreciated the value of their investment and they respected me because I stuck to my guns. And conversely, the most disagreeable, aggravating, and least satisfied customers have been the ones who received yes as the answer to their demands. Giving in is not the answer after all. As Matt learned in prison, when someone asks for a concession, the best strategy is to start out by saying no. In Negotiation Boot Camp , the advice I give is to make the other negotiator work for their concessions. Saying yes right away only leads to disaster. Say no at first and then perhaps later you can say yes. The buyer will be more satisfied simply because you had the courage to say no.

Failure: The Catalyst for Success

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Sun, 18 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Life is a process of learning through our mistakes.

As we revere success, so do we abhor failure. In Western culture, failure is regarded as the direct opposite of success. People who fail at anything, especially work-related activities, can expect a punishing assault on their self-esteem. In reality, each of us must face this challenge, for who is fortunate enough to avoid rubbing elbows with failure? How you deal with it will determine whether or not you feel good about yourself. Here is a new perspective on failure that will help you to meet the challenge.

In truth, failure is an integral part of success because it contributes to the learning process. You cannot improve your knowledge, refine your expertise, bolster your competence, or perfect your technique without failing and learning from the experience. Life itself can be looked at as a series of large and small failures occasionally punctuated by success. If life required you to wait until you were perfect you would never get out of bed. Life is, in fact, a process of learning through our mistakes, not in spite of them. It is a dynamic process in which you cannot get it right until you get it wrong first. So in spite of its usual negative connotation, failure is actually the catalyst for success.

Look at any inventor, any pioneer, and you will see that they tried and failed and tried and failed until they finally figured out what they were doing. A classic example is the famous inventor Thomas A. Edison. Edison tried over a thousand materials until he found the one that would make a filament for his light bulb that would not fizzle and burn in seconds. We do not remember Edison as a failure for the 999 substances that were a miss. We remember him for the one that was a hit.

If sports is your metaphor of choice, consider the baseball greats who have maintained batting averages over 300. That means they failed 70 percent of the time! The professional ball player who strikes out can feel sure that next time at bat he will be closer to hitting a home run. He does not obsess over the one that got away. The emphasis is on the next one.

NEXT is actually one of my favorite words. By focusing your energies on the next situation, failure can be perceived as a positive experience because it means you are now closer to success. So when you fail to achieve a desired result, yell "NEXT!" No one, including you, will remember the ones that got away. You will be recognized and compensated for your successes. If you take a positive approach, failure is not an enemy but your friend.

Hopefully you won't have to strike out 999 times before you succeed. But it is essential to recognize that persistence is one of the key qualities of people who reach their goals. They don't let their failures stop them. Instead, they use their failures to learn and improve.

Ed Brodow is a keynote speaker and author of Beating the Success Trap: Negotiating Your Own Path to Success . For more information on his presentations, call 831-372-7270 or e-mail ed@brodow.com .
Copyright © 2018 Ed Brodow. All rights reserved.

CEOs Feeling Pinch of Success Trap

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Sat, 17 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Reaching the pinnacle is not what they expected.

According to a recent survey by Burson-Marsteller, chief executive officers are unhappy. In fact, three out of four CEOs have contemplated quitting their jobs. Of the 369 CEOs participating in the study, 73 percent answered yes to the question, "Do you think about quitting your job?" Reasons given for this dissatisfaction are all stress-related.

This startling revelation is supported by the findings detailed by negotiation expert Ed Brodow in his book Beating the Success Trap . Brodow describes how we have been brainwashed to acquire all the material trappings of success, including high-powered jobs, big homes, and fast cars. Then we wake up one day in middle age and experience one of two reactions: "I have all this stuff, but I don't feel successful" or "I don't feel successful because I don't have all this stuff." Either way, says Brodow, the "success trap" leaves us feeling alienated, unfulfilled, betrayed…and depressed.

"CEOs represent a classic example of people who have bought into the success trap," says Brodow, "only to find a big let-down at the end of the road." Using his own experiences and those of friends and colleagues as examples, he provides a step-by-step method for how you can take control of your destiny by challenging traditional notions of success. Brodow explains:

Why so many successful people are miserable
How different generations are affected by the success trap
How 9/11 has changed society's perception of success
Why being fired can be the best thing that ever happened to you
How you can create a personal definition of success

Brodow is a personal testament to escaping the clutches of the success trap. He was once a highly-paid sales manager for a major computer manufacturer when he asked himself a defining question: "What if your doctor told you that you have only six months to live? How would you want to spend that time?" He realized that he was fed up with the rat race and created his own definition of success: "Right here, right now, you spend your time doing what is meaningful to you." Quitting his button-down, corporate job, he became a movie and television actor, and then a motivational speaker, and has never looked back.

Memo to CEOs: Read BEATING THE SUCCESS TRAP before it is too late!

Ed Brodow is a keynote speaker and author of Beating the Success Trap: Negotiating Your Own Path to Success. For more information on his presentations, call 831-372-7270 or e-mail ed@brodow.com .
Copyright © 2018 Ed Brodow. All rights reserved.

Dramatic Conflict, Character Development, and the Wolf

Fri, 16 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ed explains how the character trajectories in his novels are based on inner conflict that mirrors his own life.

Conflict is the essence of dramatic story telling. Conflict may manifest as external or internal. External conflict usually involves the protagonist and the antagonist. In fiction, it is helpful to include a strong bad guy who offers opposition to the main character's drive. This type of conflict can be exciting. But internal conflict, I believe, is much more compelling. Internal conflict is the struggle that occurs in the mind of the main character. The inner demons that vie for supremacy in our hero's psyche. The hero against himself. The psychology of drama: What makes the hero tick?

As I look back at the story of my own life, it is clear that a major theme has been the tug-of-war between struggling to adapt myself to the system and the need to achieve independence from it. Wanting to fit in and yet wanting to follow my own drummer. Where does the answer lie? For me, the benefits have accumulated on the side of independence. I do better following my own instincts than I do when I make the effort to conform.

I have produced five fictional narratives in the form of one full-length novel and four novellas. The inner conflicts of my fictional characters have reflected the inner struggle in my personal story. It is no coincidence that all of my main characters deal with the tension between being an outsider, on the one hand, and conforming with the system, on the other. But my characters exhibit some clear differences.

In my novel, Fixer , Harry Leonnoff begins as an outsider and gradually moves toward the system. Starting out in life, he realizes that he can accomplish more on the fringes of the New York City political scene than he can by pursuing a law degree. Ironically, the more he succeeds as an outsider, the more he is drawn into the political game he plays so well. The same can be said of Dr. Robert Elgar in Women From Venus . Elgar is doing quite well as a psychotherapist in private practice but his strong desire for public approval leads him more and more into the mainstream. The trajectories of both Leonnoff and Elgar move from outsider toward some degree of conformity.

In The Man Who Could Not Make Up His Mind , Clifford Day Vanderwall starts out as the poster boy for the status quo. In many ways, he is almost a stereotype for conformity, a Man in the Gray Flannel Suit . What gives him flesh and blood is his colossal imperfection, the inability to make decisions. And yet, to everyone's surprise, Clifford ultimately discovers that he actually functions more effectively on the outside. In The Stamp , Tommy Courten begins as a functionary of the military industrial complex but also eventually moves to the outside. The structure of the system – the organizations of which it is comprised – stifles Tommy's creativity and his soul. Only by breaking away can he find self-actualization.

In The Man Who Could Not Make Up His Mind and in The Stamp , the protagonists find success as they move away from the system. But in Fixer and in Women From Venus , when the heroes move from self-reliance to conformity, life kicks them in the pants as if to say, "You should have maintained your independence, dummy!" What all four of these stories have in common is the hero's discovery that, in the final analysis, being independent bestows more benefits than conformity.

I'll Take Manhattan is different. Melvin Van Zipper begins as a total outsider, the complete loser. When presented with a challenge that appeals to his sense of values, he finds that his path to success lies, if not in total acquiescence, at least in finding a common ground with the system. He is the only one of my characters, so far, who ultimately flourishes within the system, but even he does it in a thoroughly individualistic manner. He compromises by learning how to "play the game" without sacrificing his heart and soul. It reminds me of the scene from the film, Sergeant York , where Gary Cooper says, "Render therefore unto Caesar the things which are Caesar's, and unto God the things that are God's." In my fiction, Caesar is a metaphor for the system and God is a metaphor for being true to oneself and going one's own way. So that even when some form of compromise has to be made, the main character is essentially a lone wolf.

And now I am reminded of the movie, Wolf at the Door , in which Donald Sutherland plays the painter Gauguin and tells the story of the starving wolf who meets a fat and happy dog.

"Why don't you come with me," says the dog. "My human will give you food and shelter and you will never have to starve again."

"Sounds like a terrific idea," says the wolf. "But what is that thing around your neck?"

"Oh, that's nothing," says the dog. "It's just a collar."

The wolf starves to death rather than wear the collar. Go wolfie baby!

Acting Techniques for Speakers

Thu, 15 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ed shares ten secrets he learned as a professional actor that have made a huge difference in his speaking career. One of the top-rated presentations at the National Speakers Association Convention in Dallas, Texas.

Do you want to win an Academy Award every time you speak? To deliver each story as though you just thought of it, even though you've told it 500 times? Many successful speakers are using acting techniques to upgrade their platform skills. After all, the speaker's job is the same as the actor's – get the audience involved. Actors have to do the same role for months and years. How do they stay fresh? That's what speakers can learn from show biz.

During twelve years as a professional actor, it was my privilege to study with some splendid coaches in New York and Los Angeles: Lee Strasberg, Mary Tarcai, Warren Robertson, David Craig, José Quintero. This acting training has been invaluable in my career as a professional speaker. Here are ten practical secrets from the craft of acting that can help you win an Academy Award on the platform.

Secret Number One: Improvise
Improvisation means making it up as you go along. It means letting go in order to try something new and exciting. Actors use improv to free up their creativity and to discover their comfort level with the script.

You can improvise by trying out different ways of structuring your speech. By improvising with my negotiation keynote, I came up with the signature story of how I accidentally knocked my grandfather's false teeth down the toilet. It has nothing to do with negotiation, but it succeeds in getting the point across with warmth and humor.

Speaker Tony Alessandra improvised a story to explain the difference between the Golden Rule and the Platinum Rule. "One day," he recalls, "something suddenly popped into my mind about my mother treating people in a restaurant as if she's in her own kitchen, and I built the story up from there." Improvisation took him beyond the obvious.

Try practicing one of your scripted stories with improvised words – you will discover the language and mode of delivery that feels most comfortable. You can clean up your timing by delivering your speech at twice the normal speed or by delivering it in gibberish.

Reminding audiences of Sid Caesar, speaker/actor Alan Ovson cleverly improvises with foreign and regional accents in order to highlight his serious business message. "While it is heavily rehearsed," Ovson says, "99% of my actual speech is improvised based on the mood and reactions of the audience."

The idea is to keep the instrument (you) free and open. Improvisation gives you the space to be creative and spontaneous.

Secret Number Two: Personalize your stories
The key to story telling is not to memorize the words, but to memorize the experience . Actors do this using a technique called personalization . It means tapping into an experience from your life and applying the emotional impact of that experience to an acting scene or to a story. Personalization is the actor's secret for being real .

For example, when Anthony Hopkins is playing the role of serial killer Hannibal Lecter in the film, Silence of the Lambs , he recreates the emotional impact from an experience in his life where he was so mad that he wanted to kill someone. What we see on the screen is Hopkins as a psychopathic killer. In reality, Hopkins the actor is playing out the emotional reality of his substituted experience.

As a speaker, personalizing means bringing yourself into the speech. "For telling stories," speaker Patricia Fripp advises, "if you can't see it, the audience won't." Get the audience involved by reliving the experience with them. The payoff is that each time you recreate the experience, it will be fresh.

Even when you are describing something that happened to someone else, make the material your own. "All of my stories are personal stories," says Tony Alessandra. "If I hear a story that I like, I will rework it for me. I don't tell it the way everyone else tells it."

Secret Number Three: Have a strong drive
An actor has a drive (or objective ) in each scene, and a drive which serves as a through-line for the play. The drive is what motivates the character. Hamlet's drive is to kill his uncle, Claudius. Hamlet finds many obstacles in the way, but without his drive the play would collapse.

As a speaker, your drive is whatever you are advocating to the audience, your point-of-view. My drive is to convince the audience that win-win negotiating is more productive than win-lose. Speaker Joe Calloway says, "My drive is to have the audience saying, 'Wow. I never thought of it that way.' To help them create a new perspective." Leadership guru Barry Wishner's drive is, "Not just to present ideas, but how to execute those ideas."

Without a drive, you are merely a walking encyclopedia. Take a stand and stand out!

Secret Number Four: Be theatrical
Actors always try to be real on stage. But stage reality is actually a heightened form of what we normally experience as reality. Reality without theatricality is boring! Even the most subtle film performance has a dash of theatricality thrown in.

Being theatrical as a speaker means, "You need to be yourself but slightly 'larger than life,'" says Patricia Fripp. She adds, "Style is being yourself...but on purpose." At the humorous end of the spectrum is speaker Larry Winget, who tells his audiences about shopping with his wife and finding a display of small plungers. He says, "It ends up with me putting a plunger on my head and pulling some other bald guy on stage and putting another plunger on his head and then having a ring toss."

Speaker Marianna Nunes summed it up by saying, "Great performers can read out of the phone book and keep the audience entertained!" When you are communicating with a large audience, a lot of electricity is flying around. Use that electricity. Put on the Ritz!

Secret Number Five: Start at the top of the scene
First impressions are crucial. Actors know that they have to grab the audience immediately. They do this by starting at the top of the scene – their energy level must be up there right from the beginning. For speakers, "Your energy is what motivates and energizes them," says Marianna Nunes. "You must be warmed up when you begin."

Many speakers advise, "Come out punching." This doesn't mean that you should open your speech by screaming or by jumping up and down. "Match the audience's energy and come out a little higher," Nunes suggests. "If they're low key, don't come out too wild or they'll be turned off."

Alan Ovson opens up with a story. "I involve the audience as much as possible right away," he says, "so they get the scene, the smells, the warmth, and the feeling of what's going on in the story."

I have seen speakers take half an hour to warm up. You will lose the audience if you wait too long to rev up your motor.

Secret Number Six: Work moment to moment
Great actors are great reactors. They strive to work moment to moment . This means they keep their senses open and alert, not anticipating what the other actor is going to do. Jack Nicholson's performance is more exciting because his response to the other actor's behavior is spontaneous and unplanned.

Don't be like a speaker I know who pauses at certain points in his presentation for audience laughter – whether he gets it or not! Be there fully. Allow your senses to be aware of everything that is going on as you speak, and adjust your presentation accordingly.

"The 'magic' happens spontaneously," observes Joe Calloway, "in reaction to the audience. Often my best material comes from what is happening in that meeting. My presentation is not like a train that is locked onto the tracks – it's much more like surfing, moving this way and that, sometimes falling off!!"

Tony Alessandra agrees. "I have an outline in my head, but I never know what I'm going to say because I like to involve the audience," he explains. "When you ask questions of the audience, you may get answers that you weren't expecting, and you have to play off of it. Some of my best lines come from the audience."

Secret Number Seven: Go for variation
Anything that goes on too long in the same way is boring. Actors break a scene down into beats and establish variation for each beat. Speakers can strive for variation in emphasis, movement, volume, energy level, material, etc.

You can build variation into the organization of your speech, e.g., story...transition...story...major point...story...and so on. Variation can occur in the volume and tone of your voice. Pausing is a form of variation. And don't forget to build variation into your body movement.

Patricia Fripp quotes her coach, Ron Arden, as saying, "The enemy of the speaker is sameness." When she outlines her talk, Fripp asks, "How many points of wisdom, stories, laughs, transitions, questions...?"

Bear in mind that your audience has a short attention span. Variation is an effective technique for keeping them with you.

Secret Number Eight: Take risks
Do you remember Marlon Brando's "Granny" in the film, Missouri Breaks ? The willingness to take risks is what makes great actors stand out. The same is true for speakers. "To be truly in the moment with the audience," Joe Calloway insists, "you have to be willing to fall off the surfboard once in a while."

Barry Wishner's risk-taking is bringing audience members up on stage. "I never know who they will turn out to be or what they will say," he admits, "but that's exciting."

Recently, I beat up a rubber chicken during a keynote. It was a risk. Some people loved it and some hated it, but no one forgot it. People still come up to me and ask, "Ed, how's your rubber chicken?"

So, how's your rubber chicken? Have you taken any risks lately? As speaker Sally Walton says, "After all, we're not doing the Presidential Debates. What have you got to lose?"

Secret Number Nine: Be fully committed to your choices
When Brando put on a dress and became "Granny" in Missouri Breaks , there was no holding back. Actors strive to make interesting choices and then commit to them fully.

If you decide to be theatrical or to take a risk on the platform, don't hold back. When I beat up my rubber chicken, I strangled it, slammed its poor little head into the podium, threw it to the ground and jumped up and down on top of it, screamed and growled and snorted.

For speaker Marjorie Brody, being fully committed means, "being passionate about my message and how it will impact the audience's careers." Be fully committed to your message and your choices.

Secret Number Ten: Your relaxation is in your concentration
If the actor's mind is allowed to roam free, it will focus on nervousness. Actors relax by concentrating on their preparation, the script, and the other actors. Speakers can relax by concentrating on their drive, the client, the audience, customization details, room mechanics, etc.

Marjorie Brody relaxes by meeting and greeting audience members, giving out handouts, and chatting with them before her presentation. Alan Ovson concentrates on his points of wisdom. "As I get more information about the audience, I realize that what's important to me may not be important to them," he admits. "So I concentrate on re-prioritizing my points."

To Be...or Not to Be?
Don't expect to win your Academy Award without effort. Actors who are hailed for their instant stardom remind their fans that it took years of hard work for their "overnight success."

"Acting techniques are appealing and appear easy to use," cautions speaker coach Dawne Bernhardt, "but if they don't blend in with your natural style, you run the risk of losing authenticity and appearing artificial." How can you avoid that? "Practice is essential," advises Bernhardt, "along with feedback to be sure your technique isn't showing."

When used correctly, these ten acting secrets can help you to be yourself on the platform. They can help your delivery become spontaneous and alive. They can help you command your audience. So, as we show biz folk say, break a leg!

Ten Steps for Beating the Success Trap

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Wed, 14 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Negotiate your way to a more fulfilling life.

The most affluent society in history is plagued with feelings of dissatisfaction and depression. Twenty-eight million Americans have taken Prozac or other anti-depressant medications. The Gallup Organization has suggested that 80 percent of people working in American corporations feel miscast in their current careers. How about you? Do you feel trapped in the life you are leading? Would you like more satisfaction from your job, lifestyle, and relationships? Follow these steps to beat the "success trap":

Know what you want and ask for it. Take charge of your existence by asking the question, "What do I need in my life to feel happy and content?" Make a list of all the things you always wanted to do, but never have gotten around to.
Learn how to live in the moment. By acknowledging your emotional needs and seeking to meet those needs in the present, you can chart the course that will provide satisfaction in the here and now.
Simplify your life. Too many "things" have a way of keeping you tied up in the details of living so you don't have time to think about life itself. Once you simplify your life, the whole idea of making changes is easier to approach.
Visualize what your perfect day would look like. The human mind works with images much like a movie does. See yourself actually doing the things you came up with in #1.
Make a "business plan," a list of the changes that must occur before you can enjoy your perfect day. Looking at the lifestyle your visualizations have created, work your way backward and determine the route you will need to take to bring it to fruition.
Start the ball rolling. Action breaks the ice and takes you from passive to active mode. You are no longer just talking about doing something with your life, which costs you nothing and involves no risks, but you are putting your money where your mouth is.
Clear your mind of abusive thoughts that hold you back. When the message you get all your life is that you really don't deserve to be a success, you end up believing it. Free yourself from abusive thoughts by exposing them to the light of day.
Stop accepting abusive behavior from bosses, co-workers, friends, and family. If you surround yourself with angry, negative people, you are supporting the abuse-based society that got you into trouble in the first place.
Surround yourself with affectionate people who are supportive and nurturing. You need their support to make significant changes in your life and to seek out meaningful personal success.
Don't give up. Be fully committed to the task of changing your life. Once you sincerely acknowledge the significance of making constructive changes, you may find that it is hard not to change.

Finding the Right Career

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Tue, 13 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Ten Tips for College Graduates

Each year at graduation time, millions of seniors are asking this perennial question: How can I pick the right career and avoid making all the mistakes my parents made? Here are ten tips from negotiation and success expert Ed Brodow:

Stop listening to your college advisers, family, and friends. They have an agenda based on their own experience and prejudices. They probably mean well, but only you have your own interest at heart.
Make an inventory of your strengths. What are the things you enjoy doing? Use your abilities and talents as the basis for creating an interesting, rewarding career.
Make a list of all the jobs that could make use of your skill set. Do research on job categories to determine if there is something you may have overlooked.
Make a list of all the jobs you ever thought would be fun. Cut loose and be as imaginative as you want. You may not even have heard of the career that is right for you. Maybe it doesn't exist yet – you might have to create it.
Visualize the kind of job you would jump out of bed for. The human mind works with images much like a movie does. See yourself actually performing in various careers. Will they fulfill your real needs?
Interview people in the jobs from #3, #4, and #5. A career looks different in reality than it does on paper. You need to determine if the reality corresponds to the image in your mind.
Find out if you can intern in any of those jobs. You can eliminate a lot of heartache by trying a prospective career on for size before you make a full commitment. Before going to law school, for example, spend a summer working for a law firm.
Be flexible and open to change. Don't assume that your first job will be the right one. The right career may be lurking out there somewhere; your current job may be a stepping-stone.
Don't be afraid to fail. Failure is the catalyst for success. Except for Mozart and Picasso, every successful person had to fail at least once before they found their true calling.
Surround yourself with people who want you to be happy. They will support you when you have doubts about the rightness of your career quest.

Beating the Holiday Blues

brodow@sbcglobal.net (Ed Brodow) — Mon, 12 Feb 2018 00:00:00 GMT

Surviving the holidays without getting depressed

Rats! Here we are at the end of the year again. It's supposed to be fun, so why do so many of us get depressed when the holidays roll around?

The problem stems from a cultural bias against taking the time to be still. What do I mean by that? Most of us are running around on a fast-moving treadmill and we can't get off. This compulsively busy behavior, this fast-paced mentality, is an unfortunate symptom of our time. If you are in business, and especially if you are in business for yourself, the old-fashioned eight-hour day has been transformed into a ten or twelve-hour day. And for many people, even if they don't enjoy the work they are doing, they need it because it provides structure for their lives. For true workaholics, the holidays are regarded with dread because all they have to look forward to is feeling aimless, lost, and frightened. Often these people fill their time with endless tasks just to keep from being alone with themselves. They're like sharks; they have to keep moving or they think they'll drown.

When your life is nothing more than a high-speed chase, it's difficult to tune into what's going on in your emotional life. While you're rushing around from one appointment to the next, one meeting to the next, it's easy to miss messages from your body. People who don't slow down and commune with themselves on a regular basis are eventually headed for a crash.

The crash often occurs at the holidays. Suddenly you are forced to slow down and face all of the emotional issues that have been piling up while you were on the move. To be confronted with these unresolved issues in this unexpected way is the recipe for depression. The way to avoid it is to learn how to be still and to spend quality time with yourself. I have found several valuable techniques over the years to help me slow down. They are: meditation, yoga, and "farting around." (Two of these are well-documented, respected traditions found in the moth-eaten texts of Eastern literature. The third comes from Ed's Encyclopedia of Living Well.)

The mind is the closest thing there is to a perpetual-motion machine. It never stops working unless a conscious effort is made to stop it. The practice of meditation is a conscious effort to stop it, at least to some degree. It can be looked at as a form of self-hypnosis that slows the mind down to a manageable speed so that we can be aware of what is passing through it. Instead of entertaining the many unconnected thoughts that pass through your mind, focus on one thing to the exclusion of everything else. It takes practice, but the benefit is increased clarity. Here is a specific exercise: Dim the lights. Sit cross-legged on a pillow or in a comfortable chair and begin to focus on your breath. The breath is always a good object of concentration because it is steady and reliable. Take a deep breath and slowly count to five. Hold it one moment longer, then exhale to a count of five. Hold it a moment longer, then inhale for a count of five, and so on. Try it for five minutes a day and notice how relaxed you feel at the end of a week.

This breathing meditation is one of the basic practices of yoga. Yoga is a methodology for expanding the mind and the body through breathing and stretching. As we age, our bodies lose the flexibility we need for optimal functioning. Many people like myself first approach yoga because of an injury that won't heal or some soreness that won't go away. For me it was the aches and pains from playing handball. The surprise bonus, however, is the overall calming and healing effect it has on the body as a whole. It slows us down and allows us to focus on our state of mind, right here and right now. One cannot perform the various stretching poses of yoga without constantly checking on the messages coming from the body. In this way, yoga is an excellent way to answer the question, "How am I feeling right now?"

"Farting around" can have the same result. What I mean by this is enjoying unstructured time, spending time with no apparent purpose, just being and observing. Most of our time is so filled with purposeful activities that we can only let ourselves fart around on vacation. And even then we keep ourselves surprisingly scheduled: sky diving at noon, snorkeling at two, buying souvenirs for the family, showering, dressing for dinner by six.

The flip side of this frantic scheduling is just to slow down. At work, do one project at a time. Consider getting in early to get a jump on the day. When you get home at the end of the day, don't rush to turn on the TV and do five things at once. Instead, slowly hang up your coat, turn on some music, pour yourself a glass of wine and go through the mail. When the holidays arrive, don't give your phone number to your clients. Instead, check in once a day. Be conscious of putting distance between work and play. Allot time for both leisure and work, and perhaps cut down on the amount of work you take home with you on the holidays.

Time is now in such short supply that it appears to be a cardinal sin if we don't use every single moment for some specific purpose. Well, I am now certifying "farting around" as a specific purpose. If you learn to fart around on a regular basis, the holidays will seem like the fun time they are supposed to be.